Is Your Marriage Struggling?
Is Your Most Important Relationship Worth Your Investment?
Let’s get it right!
You are NOT Superman or Superwoman
– you are not
wife or bad
husband - you are not perfect, but you may have underestimated what it takes to get what you want.
What you want
is a good desire... but what you want takes some work.
“It is not supposed to be this hard... is it?”
Couples today are struggling because they want more. We expect more from marriages. We want more than ‘average’! We long for love and respect. We no longer need just another paycheck – although that would be nice. We want a companion to share the challenges and joys of life. Someone who is our best friend, our passionate lover, our project manager, our co-parent and our Martha Stewart and Kevin O’Leary, all in one.
We need to understand that it is no different than in our careers or our exercise routine – it can be difficult and it takes commitment. It takes work!
Why is it so difficult?
It is difficult
because it is complicated!
It is complicated because
there are two different people involved.
“I thought two was better than one?”
The communion of two people travelling together in harmony is not only the safest way to travel the difficult challenges of life, but also the sweetest way to do life. We are just happier together and lonely when disconnected.
How can I tell if my marriage needs some help?
Two are better than one
- You are arguing about the same things over and over again.
- You or your partner has emotionally withdrawn or shutdown.
- Your sex life has diminished greatly.
- You feel like you are the only one working on this marriage.
- You find yourself not wanting to spend time with your partner.
- You fantasize about another person.
- You have become comfortable with not talking.
- You resent your children for taking all your partner’s attention.
- You feel like you are not #1 on your partner’s priority list, but #3 or #4, and sometimes you think you are even behind sports, the dog and Facebook.
- You feel like your voice doesn’t count.
- You are afraid to approach certain topics.
- Someone has said; “I am out of here! Let’s get a divorce!”
- The arguing has escalated to emotional or physical abuse.
- You feel controlled and no longer free to be yourself!
– only, however, when they are pointing in the same direction and pulling equally together for the same goals.
Two are NOT
better than one when there are significant differences. Solving differences is not always simple!
We have different family of origin experiences; different love languages; different emotional, social and physical needs; different styles of coping; different communication styles; different ways of solving problems; different childhood wounds; and different values and interests and expectations.
As you can see, when you break down the dream of the Magic Kingdom
and look clearly at how to restore and maintain ‘the magic’
of your relationship, it takes some effort.
We need to seek to understand and look for win-win scenarios. We need to learn to put away win-lose approaches because this, long-term, just doesn’t work. We need to care for the marital relationship like it was our own business or our child. It takes nurturing, time, problem solving, communication, meetings, working proactively and emotional investment.